Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
SI VIS PACEM, PARA BELLUM: EMBRACING CONFLICT, PREVENTING WAR
Some years ago I remember discovering a piece of art by Salvador Dalí that really captivated me in a way just a few paintings have gotten to do. The work was "Soft-Construction with Boiled Beans (Premonition of Civil War)" and it shows two parts of what appears to be an only monster wrestling with himself. Dalí wanted to reflect the self-destruction that occurs in a Civil War like the Spanish Civil War.
When we find conflict we, human beings, have developed hundreds of different cognitive-emotional strategies to cope with it the faster the better, even though it means not getting much from it. Although first reaction when spotting conflict let us identify this as a premonition to harmony collapse and we immediately tend to suppress it, studies show how important and neccessary is to deal with it in the right way.
Benefits of Conflict
Increases level of IMPLICATION
CHANNELS animosity
Promotes CONNECTION and sense of belonging
Increases ACTIVITY
Promotes CHANGE
Promotes new IDEAS
Reveals difficulties and ANXIETIES towards tasks
Reveals PERSONALITIES
Reveals feeling and underlying EMOTIONS
However, we need to control the environment of conflict and, as team leaders, try not beeing the source that provokes it.
The conflict management guru Josep Redorta gives us the key to analize conflicts: "in a conflict situation you must always attack the emotional roots first, they have at the end made it explode." After this we need to clarify what the conflict is, there are multiple and very usefull ways of categorizing the conflicts (Prof. Redorta created the Conflict Analysis Typology, a standardization of 16 conflict elements that help us categorize the type of conflict in a really brilliant and highly comprehensive way). After the clarification comes the analysys of the excercises of power, he says "the power is always in the centre of the interaction". Lastly, analyze the values, norms, beliefs and the importance of them between the conflict and start an strategy to mediate effectively.
For me the most fascinating part of his proposal is how to deal with different underlying emotions. However, you need to know although it might seem easy to identify different emotions, it is not, and it requires a certaing amount of time and training to master the technique of doing it.
Anyhow, here I paste you a simple guide of how to react and cease the arousal of this different basic emotions that normally underlie on conflicts. Even though it needs more explanation (I strongly recommend Prof. Redorta's book), I think it might be a useful guide at least to think about it.
These are important ideas and thought I'd like to share:
- Don't panic if the conflict appears on your organization, look at the bright side, consider this an opportunity to reinforce your team.
- Before acting there are several things you need to think first, and there is a first one over the other ones: what is the emotion this appeared from.
- Think and ellaborate a strategy, elicit a compensator.
- The solution of a conflict is in cooperation and cooperation is an important value, an asset you will be able to use in the future. Use the conflict resolution as an example once you are sure it had a healthy healing.
Hobbes stated in his Leviathan people live in constant war because man need to share sources of pleasure, which are defined as scarce. Most people is self-interested and causes of conflict are self-inflicted and because of this nature come all the conflict between man: homo homini lupus est.
I am not saying this statement is distinctively wrong, it is not, but time has passed since the era of the Imperialism and our objectives are different and now the trend is not looking at the causes, but the forms of conflict which are widely more useful if our ultimate goal is to mediate and help solving them.
"So that in the first place, I put for a generall inclination of all mankind, a perpetuall and restlesse desire of Power after power, that ceaseth onely in Death." Leviathan Chapter XI
Written listening to "Country Joe And The Fish - Electric Music For Mind And Body" album (Rate:7/10)
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| Self Construction with Boiled Beans - Salvador Dalí / Philadelphia Museum of Art |
When we find conflict we, human beings, have developed hundreds of different cognitive-emotional strategies to cope with it the faster the better, even though it means not getting much from it. Although first reaction when spotting conflict let us identify this as a premonition to harmony collapse and we immediately tend to suppress it, studies show how important and neccessary is to deal with it in the right way.
Benefits of Conflict
Increases level of IMPLICATION
CHANNELS animosity
Promotes CONNECTION and sense of belonging
Increases ACTIVITY
Promotes CHANGE
Promotes new IDEAS
Reveals difficulties and ANXIETIES towards tasks
Reveals PERSONALITIES
Reveals feeling and underlying EMOTIONS
However, we need to control the environment of conflict and, as team leaders, try not beeing the source that provokes it.
The conflict management guru Josep Redorta gives us the key to analize conflicts: "in a conflict situation you must always attack the emotional roots first, they have at the end made it explode." After this we need to clarify what the conflict is, there are multiple and very usefull ways of categorizing the conflicts (Prof. Redorta created the Conflict Analysis Typology, a standardization of 16 conflict elements that help us categorize the type of conflict in a really brilliant and highly comprehensive way). After the clarification comes the analysys of the excercises of power, he says "the power is always in the centre of the interaction". Lastly, analyze the values, norms, beliefs and the importance of them between the conflict and start an strategy to mediate effectively.
For me the most fascinating part of his proposal is how to deal with different underlying emotions. However, you need to know although it might seem easy to identify different emotions, it is not, and it requires a certaing amount of time and training to master the technique of doing it.
Anyhow, here I paste you a simple guide of how to react and cease the arousal of this different basic emotions that normally underlie on conflicts. Even though it needs more explanation (I strongly recommend Prof. Redorta's book), I think it might be a useful guide at least to think about it.
| Emotion | Compensators |
| Anger | Calm / Divert |
| Fear | Understand / Protect |
| Sadness | Care / Cheer Up |
| Interest | Help / Explore |
| Surprise | Guide / Prevent |
| Excitement/Joy | Understand / Share |
| Disappointment | Explore / Guide |
| Envy | Avoid / Explore |
| Guilt | Reduce / Displace |
| Admiration | Rationalize / Learn |
These are important ideas and thought I'd like to share:
- Don't panic if the conflict appears on your organization, look at the bright side, consider this an opportunity to reinforce your team.
- Before acting there are several things you need to think first, and there is a first one over the other ones: what is the emotion this appeared from.
- Think and ellaborate a strategy, elicit a compensator.
- The solution of a conflict is in cooperation and cooperation is an important value, an asset you will be able to use in the future. Use the conflict resolution as an example once you are sure it had a healthy healing.
Hobbes stated in his Leviathan people live in constant war because man need to share sources of pleasure, which are defined as scarce. Most people is self-interested and causes of conflict are self-inflicted and because of this nature come all the conflict between man: homo homini lupus est.
I am not saying this statement is distinctively wrong, it is not, but time has passed since the era of the Imperialism and our objectives are different and now the trend is not looking at the causes, but the forms of conflict which are widely more useful if our ultimate goal is to mediate and help solving them.
"So that in the first place, I put for a generall inclination of all mankind, a perpetuall and restlesse desire of Power after power, that ceaseth onely in Death." Leviathan Chapter XI
Written listening to "Country Joe And The Fish - Electric Music For Mind And Body" album (Rate:7/10)
Sunday, December 8, 2013
ELENCHUS: HOW TO PROMOTE DIALOGUE AND FEEDBACK
I often study how different companies show themselves to public, how they promote themselves to position as top employer brands. Nowadays almost every important company is interested on being a desirable place to work, and this is a step forward. We are committed to create confortable environments with our workplaces, we want our employees to be happy, engaged and proud of working where they are working. As I said, this is something good and brings important value and return to the companies, but sometimes this could end up being only a beautifully tailored cover of underlying communication problems inside teams that lead to unsolved discrepancies, threats and fears. I know, that escalated quickly.
Hence, a good way of taking a holistic and complete care of the workplace (defined as a place where people work together) is working on your internal cross level and peer communication. This grows horizontality and increases trust. If you really promote a place where anyone from the janitor to the CEO can ask or be asked, you are creating a safe environment where ideas matter. But today I'm not talking on the benefits of feedback, which are widely described everywhere. Today I am stepping on the form of giving and receiving feedback.
First let me introduce you to the genesis: Socrates. Socrates was a man who embraced dialogue as a form of improvement between his pupils and himself, even when it was hard taking.
"One who is injured ought not to return the injury, for on no account can it be right to do an injustice; and it is not right to return an injury, or to do evil to any man, however much we have suffered from him."
Let me use this way of thinking to state Socrates defined what is the right attitude when receiving feedback: Calmly contained.
First rule: feedback is a two way road. If you can be a giver you have to be prepared to be a receiver too.
How to receive feedback and what to demand from feedback giver
Make sure you understand what is all about, ask for directions if necessary, it has to be clear and relevant and you are on your right to ask for further clarification. Don't be sassy, the person who is giving feedback is making an effort for you to improve, you have to appreciate that in the first place.
Do not respond immediately, do not confront, don't be deffensive. Take your time to take this feedback and if you want to respond later or explain yourself, do it, but what's important here is taking your time to elaborate what has been said to you.
Respond with empathy. Try to understand where does this come from and who is saying what to you.
Learn from your worst detractors. Even when you think what has been said to you is a nonsense, irrelevant or something out of point, make the exercise of taking it for evaluation and reflection. Feedback can have multiple purposes, sometimes even mean ones, but there is always a little part of truth in every kind of them, and, as Socrates said, you are the only responsible of learning something from whatever comes to you.
Thank, even when thanking is hard, tough, breathtaking, mixed with anger... but do it. Express gratitude for the effort of standing by you giving you feedback.
The formation of constructive feedback
Before giving feedback think why you are giving it, take it into a positive thinking or state of mind. You want to give feedback because you want somebody to improve so you both can have a benefit from this. If you are not thinking in terms of building something together, forget about it, you better save your feedback or even better: think again, because you are not doing it right.
Align. Talk about what you have in common and why is this important to both of you.
Feedback has to be immediate, but it has to be well formed. Before giving it think on the suggestion you are giving first.
Focus, limit your feedback, keep it specific.
Acclaim the good first, there is always a good side, something well done, extol so you can introduce the suggestion later and ease the way the other person takes it.
Talk about you, your honest feelings, in which position left you what you are pointing.
Follow Up
When you give a feedback you commit to this person to build a better something together. If you see improvement you need to return this too. A feedback is not complete without a return, it is a multiple round practice.
When you introduce feedback in your workplace as common language and do it the right way, you will realize it is the most powerful tool to personal development. From my point of view feedback is the number one practice to work on every team, invest in teaching how to use it effectively and promote its use constantly.
A good way of doing this is sharing best practices on feedback, save a moment in which teammates share how somebody's feedback has done good to them. Save a moment to thank. Treat feedback as what it is: a gift.
Written listening to "David Byrne and Brian Eno - Everything that Happens will Happen Today" album (Rate:8,5/10)
Hence, a good way of taking a holistic and complete care of the workplace (defined as a place where people work together) is working on your internal cross level and peer communication. This grows horizontality and increases trust. If you really promote a place where anyone from the janitor to the CEO can ask or be asked, you are creating a safe environment where ideas matter. But today I'm not talking on the benefits of feedback, which are widely described everywhere. Today I am stepping on the form of giving and receiving feedback.
First let me introduce you to the genesis: Socrates. Socrates was a man who embraced dialogue as a form of improvement between his pupils and himself, even when it was hard taking.
"One who is injured ought not to return the injury, for on no account can it be right to do an injustice; and it is not right to return an injury, or to do evil to any man, however much we have suffered from him."
Let me use this way of thinking to state Socrates defined what is the right attitude when receiving feedback: Calmly contained.
The Death of Socrates - Jaques-Louis David / Metropolitan Museum of Art NY
First rule: feedback is a two way road. If you can be a giver you have to be prepared to be a receiver too.
How to receive feedback and what to demand from feedback giver
Make sure you understand what is all about, ask for directions if necessary, it has to be clear and relevant and you are on your right to ask for further clarification. Don't be sassy, the person who is giving feedback is making an effort for you to improve, you have to appreciate that in the first place.
Do not respond immediately, do not confront, don't be deffensive. Take your time to take this feedback and if you want to respond later or explain yourself, do it, but what's important here is taking your time to elaborate what has been said to you.
Respond with empathy. Try to understand where does this come from and who is saying what to you.
Learn from your worst detractors. Even when you think what has been said to you is a nonsense, irrelevant or something out of point, make the exercise of taking it for evaluation and reflection. Feedback can have multiple purposes, sometimes even mean ones, but there is always a little part of truth in every kind of them, and, as Socrates said, you are the only responsible of learning something from whatever comes to you.
Thank, even when thanking is hard, tough, breathtaking, mixed with anger... but do it. Express gratitude for the effort of standing by you giving you feedback.
The formation of constructive feedback
Before giving feedback think why you are giving it, take it into a positive thinking or state of mind. You want to give feedback because you want somebody to improve so you both can have a benefit from this. If you are not thinking in terms of building something together, forget about it, you better save your feedback or even better: think again, because you are not doing it right.
Align. Talk about what you have in common and why is this important to both of you.
Feedback has to be immediate, but it has to be well formed. Before giving it think on the suggestion you are giving first.
Focus, limit your feedback, keep it specific.
Acclaim the good first, there is always a good side, something well done, extol so you can introduce the suggestion later and ease the way the other person takes it.
Talk about you, your honest feelings, in which position left you what you are pointing.
Follow Up
When you give a feedback you commit to this person to build a better something together. If you see improvement you need to return this too. A feedback is not complete without a return, it is a multiple round practice.
When you introduce feedback in your workplace as common language and do it the right way, you will realize it is the most powerful tool to personal development. From my point of view feedback is the number one practice to work on every team, invest in teaching how to use it effectively and promote its use constantly.
A good way of doing this is sharing best practices on feedback, save a moment in which teammates share how somebody's feedback has done good to them. Save a moment to thank. Treat feedback as what it is: a gift.
Written listening to "David Byrne and Brian Eno - Everything that Happens will Happen Today" album (Rate:8,5/10)
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